And Now, The Local Weather...

Well, monsoon season is finally over. And we all know what that means...


Typhoon Season!

Lord help me, I've gone native.

What weird weather here. Rainy, rainy, rainy, hotter than a Carmen Electra bikini photo, then more rainy.

Monsoon season is almost over, so we've been getting a little more of the Carmen than the rainy. And that has made my previously mentioned problem of locating proper summer footwear that much more daunting. This is part of the reason I did something stupid the other day.

Now, before I get into detail about the "something stupid" I did, let me make one more point in my defense.

The roads here are very, very clean. I mean, really clean. The reason why has to do with Communist China's promise to it's people that it would provide free housing, clothing, and food to everyone that did their duty, e.i. had a job, and would also make sure that everyone in the country would have a job to do. A trend that our so-called "greatest country on earth" has yet to even consider.

Now, there are over 1.4 billion registered citizens in China, almost three times the population of the US. Take into acount the number of "un-restered" citizens, the estimation is almost tripple that. The difference between a "registered" and an "un-registered" citizen in China is a major part of the rest of the world's criticism toward China. But that subject is for another time.

With the Chinese government trying desperately to keep it's promise to have gainful and beneficial employment for 1.4 billion people, they've resorted to practices that have made them the butt of many jokes. First and foremost is their lack of industrial technology. Any task that can be done quickly, safely, and cheaply with the use of a machine, is instead done by as many people as they can possibly put to the task. The only time the incorporation of a machine is welcomed is if it is impossible to be done by human hands, such as melting plastic.

Roads and buildings are made to fall apart in only a matter of years, so people can be employed in their re-construction. Regulations are put in place that say a car is not allowed to be dirty in some city areas, thus employing thousands of car-washers at the city limits.

In the Chinese business managers that I have interacted with, there is much less bragging done in regards to sales numbers or profit margins, and more in the number of people they employ.

Among the jobs "created" in China, are the street sweepers. And, again, no giant machines involved here. In China, a person is assigned a set of square blocks, or streach of road, where they are to walk over and over, sweeping with bamboo brooms, and occasionally hosing off. The streets in China are very, very clean, because there are thousands of people wandering around making sure they are spotless at all times. That is their job.

So, two days ago, when I needed to get to the store, and it was so hot outside that I didn't want to put on my Herman Munster-ish boots, I came to the conclusion that it was perfectally safe to take the walk barefoot. After all, I had seen the locals do it all the time.

Now, this isn't the story of how I stepped on something sharp and had had to get a Chinese Tetnus shot. No, this is the story of how I forgot, and then was painfully reminded of what a Carmen Electra Hot day does to concrete sidewalks.

I tried running, that didn't help.

Upon my return, I dropped the groceries to the floor, yanked the ice tray from the freezer, and immediately applied it to the bottom of my feet (much to the disgust of my roommates).

The good news is, the burns were only First Degree, and I should recover with no scarring. The bad news is, since the burns are on the bottom of my feet, every step hurts now. I'm mentioning this in the hopes that, in knowing how much I am already paying for my mistake, that will quell any future "what are you, stupid?" emails I may be getting. I have learned my lesson, thank you. Please keep the snide comments to yourself.

Independence Day

Ah yes, celebrating the Fourth Of July...in China. The office I'm moonlighting for is American owned, and so there was a Fourth of July barbeque.

Me, my roommates, the office owner, and about a dozen Chinese citizens.

As I have ceased to be a very patriotic person(since about the year 2000 or so, can't imagine why), it didn't strike me as much more than an excuse to get together with other people that didn't feel like working that day.

There was karaoke. There's always karaoke. For a nation that has a serious grudge against Japan, they are all about the karaoke.

Out of the blue, I was asked how I would be celebrating July 4th if I was still in the states.

"Fireworks," I said. "We like blowing things up in America."

They understood that. For the Chinese Independence Day, the entire country shuts down for a full week so they can set off fireworks 24/7.

But, they wanted more details. Specificly, what would I be doing if I were in the states right now.

I though about it.

"Well," I said, "I'd probably be alone in my appartment with a stack of DVD's, a 24-pack of Dr. Pepper, and a dozen frozen pizzas, doing everything humanly possible to never leave until the next morning."

They asked why.

I told them a little story. Last year, when I was in the states, I tried to do just that. But, I hadn't planned ahead enough, and ran out of soda. So, I was forced to go for a one block walk to a 7-11. In the space of that one block, I had firecrackers go off within 2 feet of me on 5 seperate occasions. Finally, on my way back, I was was witness to a 50-year-old man, fat enough to be a guest on Jerry Springer, shoot a bottle rocket into the open window of a moving car.

Now, when I told this story in the states, I would get a few rolled eyes and a couple of "Oh, that's just how people are" reactions.

However, after telling this story to my new Chinese friends, jaws hit the floor en masse. Because you see, in China, throwing firecrackers at strangers and shooting bottle-rockets at cars is considered a bad thing, and not a proper way to celebrate the anniversary of national freedom.

What a bunch of dirty commies.